Different

 I am 1 of approximately 166,000 people in the United States living with Spina Bifida. Spina Bifida is one of the most common severe birth defects. Spina Bifida will always be a part of my life, but I refuse to let it control me, hinder me or define me as a person. I often wonder what some of the thoughts my parents had after they found out that their first born child was going to be different. I know it had to be hard on them. I know they would’ve loved to have this normal kid that was amazing at everything. That wasn’t me. For me looking back on it, it was very hard growing up being different than most everyone else. You learn that at a very early age. I can remember in elementary school getting made fun of a lot for being different. Just because I walk different than most people. I may walk different but I am just glad that I am lucky enough not to have to be wheelchair bound for the rest of my life. I have been through some crazy stuff in my lifetime. The day I was born I had my 1^st surgery. Since then I have had about 20 more. Thats a lot! With that many surgeries you’d think I would get used to them. But I haven’t. Its a crazy thought to know that at any moment I could have to head to a hospital for emergency surgery. And could have to stay in the hospital for a while. That is very humbling. My most recent stay in the hospital was a couple years ago now. It was a very hard time in my life. Not having control of the situation. Just going in and out of surgery and hoping that the surgeries would work and I wouldn’t have to go back “under the knife” for a long time. But If I do have to any time soon. That will be ok as well. Its hard to go through a life like this and not ask God “Why Me, What was the purpose of me even being born if I have to go through this mess?” just as Job did in Job Chapter 3 Verse 11 which reads “Why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb?”. I have asked the question why me plenty of times, but having to endure the things that I have has changed my life and the perception of it. For one thing, God had been preparing my heart to call me into a life full of Ministry and doing His work. When God called me into ministry I immediately began making excuses because of my disability. I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it. I figured He must’ve had the wrong person. But He didn’t call me to ministry in spite of my disability but because of it. That answered the “Why Me?” question that I have always had for God. His answer was found in the book of John chapter 9 Verses 1-3 which reads, “As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” So every time I ask that question I have to look back at that verse and say to myself oh yeah thats why, through all the mess, and the trials, and being discouraged, God can still do His work in my situation. Some days are going to be hard but I have to remind myself that with God on my side who can be against me? No one! I have often thought what I would do If I had the chance to be changed to normal today and live the rest of my life as a normal person would. But when I really think about it, Im not sure that I would take that chance. Being normal would remove a big chunk of my testimony and I just wouldn’t be me without having Spina Bifida. If you have asked me a couple years ago, I would’ve said yes please take it away, I hate it. But that was before God really showed me that He made me this way for a reason and His purpose is perfect. Through this I have also gained a huge amount of respect for nurses and basically anyone in the medical profession. But nurses especially have it tough. They have to do the stuff that you couldn’t pay anyone else to do. They are a very special group of individuals. Because of what I’ve gone through and what my mom has helped me through it got my mom back to doing what she was called to do years ago. She is in nursing school right now. I am very proud of her! When I look at my mom I see a caring, compassionate, loving woman with a strong will and determination. Those are the traits that have made her a great mom to me and they will carry over to her nursing career. She is going to be a great nurse. I think she has a definite “leg up” on a lot of the other students in her class because of her experience in hospital situations and raising me. Thank you so much mom I will never be able to tell you how much you have helped me become the young man that I am today. I just want to add that I strive to be known as a person who overcame the obstacles of Spina Bifida and fought the good fight as it says in 2nd Timothy chapter four and lived as normal life as I could considering the circumstances. And I want to give all of the glory to God for being there for me every step of the way.